Divine Discontent

Recently in a meeting someone I respect mentioned offhand that they think that discontentment is not always a bad thing - that sometimes God uses "divine discontent" to move us into another direction.  The comment was not directed to me, but it really gave a name to some of the things I'm really struggling with lately.  Contentment.  Calling.  Exhaustion.  Mission.

I have so many questions.  Does divine discontent exist, where God is moving you or speaking to you through your uneasiness, or is all discontentment a sin?  This was a new concept for me because I grew up thinking that you are supposed to be content and grateful in all circumstances, etc.  If it does exist, how do you know the difference between discontent that should be moving you in a certain direction, or just being discouraged?

How do you know if it's God telling you something through your discontent, or just plain burnout?

It's been a hard year for me, and I haven't really discovered the "growth" or answers out of the difficulties yet, but I know I will see more in hindsight.  In 2011, I've: 

• started a masters program
• worried if I would have a job
• obtained and learned a new position in a new environment with new co-workers (at the same workplace as before)
• experienced some troubling health issues (at 27 I'm taking 5 different pills each night)
• struggled with my calling

I've been far more exhausted this year with one office job (and school) than I ever was with multiple on-my-feet retail jobs.  I've worked a lot of hours, and the extra hours definitely do not equate to extra money the way they would in retail!

I'm fine with working hard -- and I expect to work hard.  I don't think life will ever suddenly be easy, whether I'm working many hours on the job, working in a "dream" job in a chosen career field, working in a creative field, working for myself, working 24/7 as a mom one day, whether enjoying or not enjoying my work, any situation I can imagine.  It will be hard because it's a fallen world.  But God gave us work before the Fall.  I know that God made us to work, and that work can be very hard but glorifying to Him.

But I am tired of more of the same with no refreshment or reprieve.  Physically, yes, I am tired and my body is breaking down under the stress, but emotionally, I am weary.  I have realized lately that I am sort of emotionally "turned off" lately...and, worse, disgustingly self-absorbed.  I'm not sure if I'm discontent or just selfish.  I've been failing to take in God's glory in all the little ways that it is demonstrated all around me.  I've failed to give emotional energy to building and nurturing relationships.  I've failed to see beauty in little things as a reflection of their Creator, which I believe is one of my greatest gifts and my soul's greatest yearning.  I drove to work today and realized for the FIRST TIME this fall that the leaves are changing.  It's October 27th -- many of the leaves are actually off of the trees by now -- and I hadn't even noticed.  I missed the changing of the seasons.  I'm not sure where I was.

I'm praying this week that I would be open to God's messages and His Story in every form, whether through His Word, His fingerprints of beauty in creation, or stirrings in my tired heart.